My life has taken a very bizarre turn from my younger
years. Being more self-aware and more aware of other people has made my life a
lot less dramatic. It means I have a substantially reduced stockpile of regrets
to keep me up at night.
However.
My life, as it always has been, is a movie playing in my
head. There is a big part of me that would happily live in a Lana Del Rey
music video, bitch just gets me.
But I know that is dangerous.
My younger years were filled with trailer-trash glamour and
crazy-romantic encounters. Even now, my memories play like a Nicholas Sparks
novel. I'm not sure how to explain this or why it bothers me. I can lose myself
in the 'episodes', I can get lost in the movie playing inside my head.
I am a pathological, sentimental romantic. From the hazy
days of my youth, in cornfields and streams with my band of miscreants or my
many loves, to my drunken 20s where I was the lovable 'party girl' who never
had to be alone because there was always someone to distract me. I lived my
life as someone that other people saw me as, I played a role to almost
everyone. I loved with my whole being.
It was beautiful and tragic. It imprisoned me and
liberated me. This life is everything and nothing all at the same time. It is
as inconsequential and as important as anything could ever be.
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