I am
twenty-seven years old.
I had
been dying my naturally blond hair to the darkest ebony I could find for eight
years. I have had many variations of colour including a blond streak (dyed in).
It
all started about ten months ago. Around the time the influx of horror stories
about hair dye trickled in to the trashy magazines I loved so much. I had read
them with the same apathy I reserve for most of the ridiculous stories they
print but I had no idea something stuck.
A few
weeks later I had decided I wanted the blond streak back. After I had applied
the dye, I was fine. About twenty minutes in, I started getting breathless, my
heart started pounding and I started to get dizzy. My breathing was erratic,
laboured so I thought I was having an allergic reaction to the dye. I quickly washed it all off but it didn’t
seem to help. I began to panic (unaware that I was already panicking) and
called NHS Direct. They went through my list of symptoms and helped me
understand that I wasn’t having an allergic reaction but I was having a full
blown panic attack.
I had
no idea what had brought it on. I wasn’t thinking about the stories I had read;
I had completely forgotten about them, but something must have remained in my
mind. That is the only explanation I had.
I tried to forget about it, going on with my normal routine. When my
roots started to show and it was time for me to dye my hair black again, I had
only a few jitters about it. As the dye went on, I was fine. Ten minutes in the
same thing happened, breathless, dizzy and a wave of hot panic spread over me.
I was convinced that I was having an allergic reaction, washed it all off and
sat hyperventilating in the bathroom.
I was
determined to remain my artificial colour and beat this new anxiety so I pushed
on. The next time my roots showed, I tried again. The same thing happened. At
this point I started to research hair dye, I did it to try and convince myself
that the symptoms I was having were nothing like that of an allergic reaction.
It did nothing but fuel my fear. I began to look in to all natural hair dye, if
there was no PPD then it couldn’t hurt me. I spent quite a bit of money
stocking up on all natural hair dye but when I opened the box, the same warning
label was there. Another panic attack ensued.
Out
of fear and desperation, I decided I would go back to my natural hair colour.
Let the black grow out and then cut it all off, start afresh. That is what I
have done; I now have all natural, very short hair. It was very hard but it
seemed like the only option I had. I’m trying to embrace it.
I
wish the story ended here.
I
would like to point out that I have never had an allergic reaction to anything
in my life. Not one thing so my fear is completely unfounded.
Now I
have realised that I am anxious about allergic reactions completely, with
anything. It didn’t help that my boyfriend had a moderate allergic reaction to
Paracetamol and that seemed to cement my fear. It is bleeding in to other areas
of my life. Being ill and having a poor immune system, I am on a lot of
prescription drugs. I have noticed that I get a familiar ‘hot panic’ feeling
when I take anything new. I have had to stop reading side effects as this sends
me in to a panic attack; it is the same if anyone reads them to me. It has
spread so far now that I won’t allow anyone to dye their hair in my house as
I’m scared that they will have an allergic reaction.
This
is crazy! I used to think I was invincible but now I’m scared of everything.
The panic attacks have become more frequent, I can have them at any time now,
and they don’t have to be attributed to anything. I feel like they are stealing
my life, my identity and I have no idea how to stop them. I have tried
overcoming my fear, battling through it but it only made it worse.
I am powerless.