Insomnia is rearing its ugly head again; it’s 6.00 a.m. and there is no sign of sleep. I don’t think there is ever a more lonely time than when the rest of the world is asleep and you’re not. It’s only made worse by your head telling you that you should be with them in the land of slumber which isolates you more.
Why me, why am I the one left out?
Insomnia is cruel.
My insomnia isn’t traditional insomnia; I get all sleepy after my antidepressant at 11.30 p.m. and think I am going to bed at a reasonable hour. Then…
12.30 a.m. I’m sleepy but I don’t seem to be drifting off…think about something nice…
1.30 a.m. I feel like I could sleep if I could only drift off. My eyes are heavy and I’m pretty comfortable…why aren’t I asleep?
3.30 a.m. Maybe I should get up, get a drink or check Facebook. I know! I’ll read, reading always makes me sleepy.
4.00 a.m. Yep I think I can sleep now…
4.30 a.m. Why aren’t I drifting off!
6 hours after coming to bed, I give in and try to do something productive (like write this) but I know as soon as 7.30/8 a.m. rolls around, I will be fast asleep. I don’t so much have insomnia as I do sleep; I just become nocturnal for some reason. This has happened for as long as I can remember and I have no idea if it’s anything to do with my mental health or my M.E. but I am far too tired to research it now.
This is an awkward time, the boyfriend is happily snoozing away next to me and the best friend is in a happy slumber in the other room. I don’t want to disturb either of them although they are both very gracious and assure me it’s more than fine to wake them if I can’t sleep and I’m feeling a little lonely. It just seems so selfish to me, waking somebody up because my body is tormenting me.